I received this from a friend, via email and I thought that I'd share it with all of you, and see what you think about this. They say that being a parent is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding things that you can experience. I agree with this, and enjoyed reading this forward. It just lays it all out there, right on the line, it is beautifully written. I love my kids so much...I hope you enjoy reading it too...What do you think?
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation. I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child-care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his or hers. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice, and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts. My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
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11 comments:
that was very sweet...couldn't help from tearing up myself! being a mom is what i love about my life, and it only brought quin and i closer, just like she said!! you'll have to repost it on mother's day:D
I wish I could relate to this but I can't--I don't have children, am not married and don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to have kids. I do have a heck of a lot of respect for people who do though-the patience needed for a child is something that I don't know if I could ever have.
I hope I don't offend anyone--but in my opinion I thought the story was a tad depressing. It makes it sound like your own life completely has to end when you have kids. I understand you'll have to make a lot of sacrifices and you'll worry A LOT about the well being and safety of your child--but there's no need to be so paranoid about the ills of the world you keep you and your kid stuck in a glass bubble forever. Isn't part of helping a child grow is letting them go out into the world even if they get hurt emotionally or physically? Also--just because you have kids does this mean you have to give up your own dreams? I heard on the Dr Phil show once when his wife Robin was talking to a mum who let herself go and she said " You are a woman first before you are a wife and mother". Motherhood and being a wife is only an extension of yourself--in my opinion it shouldn't be all there is to you and that all your life is defined by. Isn't it a better example to a child for them to see a mum who is a strong confident individual who betters themselves consistently?(career or classes, culture, reading, excercise, etc) Sorry, it just bothers me to see women who don't aim for much. Even if you are a stay at home mum you can still pursue dreams and better yourself!
Anyway, I know this is just a story and I am just venting-but everyone's entitled to their own opinions. Maybe I'm just completely missing the point of this because I'm not a mum and I don't understand completely about everything associated with motherhood. My comments are just based on the story's content really. Also, please please know that I am not criticizing mum's at all and I respect them GREATLY--the only thing I'm saying is that in my opinion your life doesn't have to end when you have kids.
I hope that I haven't offended or upset anyone at all--not my intention. Thanks for posting Liz definitely got me thinking!! :0)
I am absolutely the first to admit that I don't have a clue what it's like to be a mum and I probably never will understand what you and mothers out there go through on a daily basis. My own lack of kids has been out of my control and I don't even know whether it will be possible in the near future due to my current health. My own situation far from puts me in any position to judge anyone--which I'm not (I love you all!) or understand what this story was truly about. The only thing I was pointing out was my interpretation of the post that's all. Everyone is entitled to their own interpretation (kind of like people's views/takes on books) and I completely respect the views of others too. I like healthy discussions!
I just disagree wholeheartedly that a woman should be completely defined by whether she is a mother or not. I see too many people now days having kids who shouldn't because their own lives are so messed up. They don't wait to have kids until their lives are more stable because they think its their 'duty' to have them or in an effort in filling some other void in their life. The families end up incredibly dysfunctional because the parents neither were prepared financially or emotionally to deal with the immense responsibility a child is.
It bothers me in society how a woman is judged on whether she has kids or not and in a way it almost infers her level of 'femininity'. How can you be less of a woman for not being a mum? Women for hundreds of years have been fighting to be more than 1950's housewives who submit to their husbands every whim. What ever happened to women who wanted to be future presidents or change the world for the better? It seems as if too many of them now are content to grow up and be Paris Hiltons--mindless and lacking any depth or conviction.
I disagree that our sole purpose in existence is to become mothers. Yes--this is important if you have the opportunity to do and want to do it. But what about personal growth besides motherhood? I have no doubt you learn and grow being a mother, but what about other areas and working on you? Won't this make you into a better mum? Why can't women improve, dream and set goals for themselves in life but still be mums?
Yes, women may not have control over whether they have kids but even if they decide not to out of their own choice in this life or next--I think God is a lot more forgiving than is being implied here. If you've lived your life well and in the service of others he'll take this into consideration and your eternal progression won't suffer. Heck look at Oprah Winfrey--do you have any doubt she will get to go to heaven even though she's not a mum?
I really think it's possible to balance motherhood and going towards your dreams. I also don't think being a mum should be someone's only goal in life because otherwise you are really limiting yourself and what person you can truly become.
Anyway--this has become longer than expected. Don't be offended anyone by my post this is just my opinion. I respect mothers everywhere and the sacrifices they've made and especially their patience and love they have for their kids.
I don't expect people to agree with me on this but I really felt like I needed to say something anyway. One of my new years resolutions for 2007 is to be more confident in speaking my mind. Hopefully I won't anger anyone by my opinion!! At least it gives us something to talk about though!
i think of course every woman is a woman first - and it's important to develop yourself and who you are and want to become. having children should not come in the way of that, but work right along with it in my opinion. children don't hold you back but can only help you move forward. having a career myself and knowing what i want to do and become - i know that when the Lord does bless me with children it will only make me more of a successful woman ;)
I have a strong conviction that I need a new pair of shoes for every new outfit I wear.
And my pool is very deep, it's one of the biggest in so-cal, now that's depth.
Mindless? I'm about to go off on that, oh wait, hold on, poochie did a doodle, what was I saying?
Paris,
The cute guy that runs the latte machine in re-hab told me to say hi to you.
And I just wanted to say that I think motherhood totally rocks. But like, that shouldn't mean you can't party, cuz look at Britney, she hires the best nannies, and she's totally successful.
What up K-fed, you so blew it!
And like Paris, when I get out, we are so going to party in your pool, it is really deep.
Kids rock, children (our own or other peoples) bring us closer to the Savior.
A couple of points:
1- Love you all including Paris & Lindsay whomever you may be. :0)
2- Absolutely no comments I've made were specifically directed at anyone in this blog or meant to be taken personally.
3- I agree that there's two different angles on this--people are criticized for having kids or not having kids. I think both views are VERY common today. In my opinion-the story was depressing in that it implied your life ended when having kids and goes along the line of questioning your feminity if your not a mum. Again this is just my interpretation of it that's all. I too don't make my decisions based on expectations from society.
4- Just because I thought the story was depressing and think women shouldn't limit themselves doesn't mean that I'm against kids or mothers everywhere. I would love children one day if the universe allows it for me. I will say that if I do have kids one day, my opinion of the story still won't change though.
5- Again please don't take anything I say personally and I respect all of you. It's ok to disagree and in these circumstances I am more than content to agree to disagree!
I think if women have balance in their lives and a good husband to support them in child rearing then they can have children and all of their dreams. We just sometimes can't have it all at once. There is a season and a time for everything. I hope all of our dreams come true. I love being a mother. I love being a wife. But, most of all I love being me because nobody else can be me or do the things just the way I do. If I am happy everybody that is around me including my family will be happy. Everbody is different and that is what is so great about the world. We learn from others mistakes!! We take the best parts and leave the bad. I am sure I won't do it perfect but I hope that my children will take the good stuff I do and leave the bad!! Lu are you pretending to be Linsay and Paris? You are so fun!!
Christine - I am loving that you call us mums!
I enjoyed this story Liz and it definitely made me teary at the end. I would like to say that I had absolutely NO idea what Motherhood would really be like until I was a mother. It is really hard to put into words. It is definitely the most difficult and most rewarding blessing I have ever chosen. I love my children so much and also try to better myself everyday.
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